


The Gang Makes First Contact

by OpensUp4Nobody



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Science Fiction, UFOs, becasue that's how I roll, charlie's probably gonna get probed, im just saying its probably gonna happen, probably mostly the gang hanging around and being weird, there will be aliens is what i mean, things will probably get sci fi weird too, this will probably be pretty macdennis light, why am I writing this?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-07 06:30:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10354224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OpensUp4Nobody/pseuds/OpensUp4Nobody
Summary: On a boring night in late July something weird goes down. Like really weird. Like what the actual fuck is even happening kind of weird.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pretending that the gang grows up in a small town in rural Pennsylvania because it works better. Also because if I had to move, I'd want to be a hermit in the mountains in Pennsylvania. Also, let's say this is the summer before their senior year.

Mac was fucking bored as shit. It was late afternoon mid July and a million degrees outside. The sun was literally trying to melt his skin off. It was probably because he was laying on the concrete in front of his house crushing little bloody bugs and it was karma or some shit. They weren't actual bloody bugs, like bugs full of blood, they were just little bitty red bugs that he and Charlie liked to smash into little red smears when they were bored. Obviously the stupid little things were important to the sun because it kept trying to cause bodily harm to Mac who by this time had given up on the bugs and had decided he'd have better luck glaring at the sun. 

But that didn't help his skin and when he looked away his eyes burned. Blinking angrily, Mac leapt off the ground with the agility of a cat and marched off in the direction of his backyard. It wasn't much of a backyard, patchy grass with pricker plants encroaching from the woods beyond. 

Hopping over a fallen tree, Mac started along the well worn path that had been carved out by his feet and whatever objects he had been wilding swinging at the surrounding plant life. He was on his way to the clubhouse. 

Well, what used to be the clubhouse. He and Charlie used to call it the clubhouse, but then when Dennis got involved he thought that sounded "too childish" because he was a dick and the name had been fought over. In the end, Charlie renamed it as the lair by threatening to wreck the shit out of it if they named it anything else. The lair was cooler than the clubhouse anyway. 

Honestly, the place was probably not high enough class to even deserve a name. It was a rickety treehouse located only about six feet off the ground in a big ass pine tree and it was full of all kinds of gross shit. Charlie kept little jars full of dead earwigs in there for good luck along with all sorts of other weird shit. Mac was pretty sure Dennis was hiding evidence from crimes or something in there because there was all sorts of random stuff from him in there that any normal person would want to actually keep in their house. Mac kept it simple with just an old baseball bat and whatever shit he forgot in there. 

As he approached the lair, which was located near a river, he saw somebody was already there. 

"Yo, Dennis!" Mac called, jogging forward to meet his friend. 

"Eh, Mac." Dennis turned toward him, arms crossed over his light blue button up. 

"Dude, I'm so glad you're here, I've been soooo bored all day. Charlie had that dentist thing today so I've been like dying." The other day Charlie had smashed his teeth into the floor after he'd gotten high in Mac's basement and passed out trying to walk across the room. He hadn't knocked any teeth out, but a few had moved over ever so slightly and there was a lot of blood from where he bit his lip. 

"Ah, I know what you mean. There is literally nothing to do in this shitty town."

"We could swim in the river," Mac suggested. 

Dennis considered the water for a moment. It was fairly high from some recent rainy spells. Mac could see his decision before he said a word. "Nah, I don't want to have to deal with–" he was cut off as Mac shoved him forward into the water. 

Stumbling down the slope to the river and nearly regaining his balance Dennis fell into his knees in the water. It was only deep enough that he was half soaked, his stomach not quite touching the water where he'd fallen. Mac had hoped he would fall into the deeper section. 

Dennis remained completely still for a moment before he slowly turned to Mac with a curiously blank expression on his face. 

"Hey, Mac?" He said. 

"Yeah, Den?" Mac said trying to fight down a smile. 

"Why would you do this to me?"

"Do what dude?"

Dennis stood and trudged over to Mac, his expression cold, water dripping from his now translucent shirt. "I have water in my shoes, Mac. Water in my GOD DAMN SHOES!" 

Mac was already running by the time Dennis' calm broke. He sprinted toward a clearing nearby, but only made it halfway before Dennis tacked him to the ground and tried dragging him back toward the river. 

"Agh! Dennis let me go!"

"No, I'm going to drown you in the fucking river, you asshole!"

"You think you can take me? Look at your tiny fucking twig arms!"

"My rage gives me the strength of a thousand suns," Dennis said as he redoubled his efforts to drag Mac toward the river. 

Curious to see where this was headed, Mac allowed himself to be pulled down the bank before death rolling away and tackling Dennis. They spent a few minutes squabbling before a new voice enter the mix. 

"Guys?" Charlie appeared at the top of the bank to see his friends soaked, laying half in the water with Mac hovering over Dennis and trying to smear mud on his face. 

"Charlie! I thought you had that dentist thing!" Mac shout up. 

"It was earlier," Charlie shrugged. His bottom lip looked pretty fucked up. It was still swollen and bruised when his teeth had gone through it. 

"How'd it go?"

"The two teeth on the right," he pointed to his front tooth an the one to its right, "are all fucked up. Doc said they might be dead so I gotta go back and check in like a month."

"Shit, dude, if they're dead will they like rot out or something?"

"Probably," Charlie shrugged, "So, like what are you guys doing?"

Mac looked down at Dennis who had his head tilted back to look over at Charlie. Mac was basically laying chest to chest with him, but the rest of their bodies were resting in the water at different angles. 

"Mac's a dick," Dennis said, shoving Mac so hard he flopped back fully into the water. 

"Dennis was being clumsy and feel into the river," Mac said when he resurfaced. "So, what's up?"

"I was just gonna ask if you guys wanna stay the night here in the lair?"

Dennis raised an eyebrow, "Why?" 

"Mom has a thing, so I wanted to to stay out of her way."

"What kind of thing?"

"Oh, you know, just a– just a thing. Don't worry about it."

"Fine with me," Mac said. His mom wouldn't give a shit if he was out all night in some shitty tree. 

"Yeah, I'll go grab some food from home and we can have a fire and shit," Dennis agreed. 

"Awesome!" Mac said standing up. "Let's all grab our shit and meet back here. We'll race."

"No! That's not fair, my house is like way farther than either of yours and I have to grab more stuff or we'll all starve!" Dennis protested. 

"Sorry, bitch, but that's what you get when you join the gang late," Mac shrugged. The lair was located equidistant from his are Charlie's houses, but Dennis' house was about five minutes farther away and separated by a fence. 

"I am not part of your gang," Dennis rolled his eyes, "I pity hang out with you guys when my real friends are being too boring." Charlie made a face of disbelief at that but Dennis wasn't paying attention. "Anyway, the point is, I'm not racing."

"Fine, but me and Charlie are racing, right?"

"Oh, absolutely we are."

"Dennis, count us off." Mac said as he scrambled up to Charlie's side."

"Ready, go," Dennis said lamely. 

"What was that!"

"We need a better count off than that, dude."

"Fine. On your mark. Get set. Go!" The two dumb asses dashed off in different directions. Charlie was slightly ahead by the time they were out of Dennis' line of sight because Mac stumbled over a big stick. 

Dennis didn't bother to leg it home. His shoes felt pretty gross from the wet socks. He'd have to remember to kill Mac for that later... and punch him in his stupid smug sunburned face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boys hang around being idiots.

The boys met back up at the lair. When Dennis finally got there, Mac and Charlie were arguing over who had won their stupid race. 

"Mac, I got here first, that means I win," the shorter of the two proclaimed with a disbelieving laugh. 

"I was weighted down by these wet clothes, I should get time dropped for that!" Mac argued. His clothes were still wet. Well, his pants were, he seemed to have ditched his shirt. Dennis had had the sense to fully change his clothes while he was home. He'd gone with a teeshirt and gym shorts, just in case something stupid happened, which was very likely. He didn't want another ruined dress shirt and khakis pair. 

"That's your fault for rolling around in the water with Dennis," Charlie jabbed a finger at Mac's bare chest. 

"Dennis was asking for it, you can't pin this on me!"

"I wasn't asking for you to ruin my clothes in the water, you're just a dick," Dennis said as he got close. "Charlie wins then, I guess?"

"I am the speed King," Charlie took a bow as Mac whined on about how unfair it was. 

"So, anyways, hey, I'm back," Dennis said, trying to move past the moronic argument. 

"So, what'd you bring us?" Charlie asked, as Mac reached for the duffle bag over Dennis' shoulder. 

Dennis allowed him to take the bag. "Marshmallows, obviously, a pack of hotdogs, and two six packs of beer."

"That's it?" Mac demanded. 

"Shut up, I was gratuitous enough to provide the food here and here you are complaining."

"Did you at least bring buns and ketchup?" Charlie asked. 

"I brought the buns, forgot the ketchup."

"Dude, not cool." Mac shook his head. 

Dennis rolled his eyes. "I'm guessing you guys haven't started to collect sticks for a fire."

"Nope, we thought we'd wait for you." Mac tossed the duffle down at the base of the tree with his and Charlie's shit. 

Dennis raised an eyebrow, "I thought I had tiny arms."

"You can find the twigs for kindling, I'm handling the big stuff. So, don't worry your pretty little head."

Dennis gave Mac a sharp look, but didn't say anything, just turned and trudged away from them. 

It was nearly six, so they still had a good amount of time to set up before dark, but Dennis did not particularly want to deal with hungry Mac and Charlie because they would become infinitely more annoying with empty stomaches. 

Collecting sticks was easy, if a little boring. Especially since he'd been given the task of collecting the small ones. At least if he was collecting the big ones he'd get to turn over big logs and see what was up underneath them. 

By the time that they gotten around to actually building up the fire it was nearly seven thirty because Mac found a salamander under a rock and they got somewhat distracted then when he inevitably lost the damn thing Charlie and Mac had started whacking each other with their sticks and now both sat around the fire nursing the welts they'd inflicted upon each other as Dennis put hot dogs on the pokers that they kept in the lair. They only had two and Dennis handed off one to Charlie. 

Mac was not allowed to use the pokers because he always stuck them too close to the fire for too long and burnt the shit out of everything he tried to cook. Dennis cooked the food for him so as not to waste anymore than necessary on his stupid ass. 

"Guys," Charlie said as he slowly turned his poker in the flames, "I think it's ghost story time."

"Yes!" Mac clapped his hands.

Dennis sighed, "Charlie, it's not dark enough for ghost stories yet and anyway you two always get too freaked out and can't sleep when we tell ghost stories." More specifically when Dennis told ghost stories. The other two sucked at it. Mac's stories were action than horror and Charlie's always went weird. Dennis, however, liked to read horror stories in his free time and so had plenty to go around. 

"That's bullshit," Mac objected, "Charlie gets freaked out and I stay up to guard him as an act of comfort."

"You guard him from the ghosts that aren't coming after him?" Dennis sent him a dubious glance. 

"Yeah, I'd beat the shit out of a ghost."

"How the hell would you do that? You can't even beat the shit out of a normal corporeal human."

"Oh I'm sorry, who was it that got their ass handed to them earlier in the river?"

"I did not–!" 

"Mac, you can't kick a ghost's ass, it's not possible," Charlie cut in. 

"Sure I could."

"No because the ghost would just take control of your arms for you and then you'd kick your own ass."

"Ghosts can't touch you," Dennis said, "you couldn't kick a ghost's ass because your fists would just go right through them."

"No," Charlie's shook his head, "ghosts are very capable of touching people."

"Have you ever been touched by a ghost, Charlie," Dennis challenged. 

"You know, I just might have been, Dennis. I was running through this very section of woods not long ago when I heard a shuffling and I stopped then I got shoved by some invisible force."

"That did not happen," Dennis scoffed. 

"It did. I was running to Mac's house when it happened. I told him all about it."

Mac squinted at him. "Was that when you showed up in the middle of the night last week?"

"Yeah."

"Dude, you came in ranting about magicians, you didn't say anything about ghosts."

"Ghosts! Magicians! Both are supernatural forces."

Dennis let out a condescending chuckle, "Charlie, ghosts and magicians are two very different things. And anyway this still did not happen."

"But I told Mac about it!"

"How high were you?"

"Objection! I find it offensive that you would assume–"

"Mac, how high was he?"

"He was pretty out of his mind. Also, I think he had paint in his mouth. You can't drink paint, Charlie."

"I rest my case. But it doesn't even matter. The point is that Mac could not kick a ghost's ass regardless of whether or not it could touch him."

"Yes, I could! I'd get rid of the damn thing with the awesome god damn word of God."

"I'm pretty sure you have to be a priest to exorcise a ghost," Charlie huffed. 

"Plus, I'm not convinced you even know what words you would use, Dennis said, "Every time you open you mouth to spout your God trash it comes out as gibberish."

"The bible is not God trash! Those are the words of our most badass Lord! God, listen buddy, Dennis didn't mean that. I can vouch for him, he's a good guy, just kind of a dick sometimes."

"You can tell your heathen God that I absolutely meant it," Dennis grumbled. 

"Are you trying to get sent to hell?"

"Sure, heaven seems boring as shit."

"Blasphemy!"

"Whatever, here's your hotdog." Dennis handed a hotdog in its bun to Mac who was still looking very offended, but reluctantly accepted it anyway. 

There was a lull in conversation as they ate, allowing Dennis to become aware that he was being eaten alive by mosquitoes. Mosquito bites were the fucking worst. Not just because they itched like hell, but also because sometimes he would get weird reactions to them and end up with massively swollen and bruised over bites in his arms or legs, which was pretty gross. Once he got one on his face and he refused to go outside for a week. 

The bats were also starting to come out, he could hear them chirping overhead as they dove down to nab whatever it was they were eating. A bat flew into Charlie's hair once while they were camping out here. The weirdo had spent the next few days hiding in his basement after the incident because he was convinced that the thing had bitten him and he'd become a vampire. 

He hadn't obviously, but the bat did actually bite him, so he had to get some shots. 

"Hey Charlie," Dennis mused, "do you think you've gained any mutant powers or anything from any of the various things that attacked you over the years?"

Charlie hummed thoughtfully, "I'm pretty sure I can communicate with crows now." Crows were always seeming to fly into the laundry room in his house and Charlie felt he'd spent enough time being screeched out by the trapped birds that he'd cracked their lingual code. 

"What the hell do the crows talk about?" Mac asked. 

"They talk trash about the people they see walking around. You should hear them, it's disrespectful is what it is."

"Dude, you're nuts."

"Slander."

Eventually they worked their way through the hotdogs and the beers and the marshmallows. Charlie and Mac took most of the marshmallows, Dennis had a figure to watch. But when it was finally pitch black out, the boys were slightly drunk and fairly high. 

 

They ran around in the nearby clearing collecting fireflies for a while before they got bored and moved to star tipping. Charlie was the best to watch star tipping. He laser focused on the stars above his head and spun as fast as he possibly could. Mac was always in charge of shining the flashlight in Charlie's eyes and the freckled boy fought so hard to remain upright but always wobbled, fell and then would immediately hop back up just to get the flashlight back in his face and he'd fall again. It always send max and Dennis into hysterical tears. So, naturally they played the game until Charlie got too dizzy and puked. That was seen as the time for bed. 

Up in the lair, the three sleeping bags they laid out only just fit in the small room around all the junk. Charlie took the left side of the room, Mac insisted on being in the middle to guard the entrance and Dennis took the right side. 

As they all made themselves comfortable a thought occurred to Dennis. "Shit."

"What?" Mac asked. 

"We forgot to make Charlie pee before he came up."

"God dammit, I'm not going down with him."

"I'm not either. Just make him go himself, he's a big boy."

"Hey, Charlie," Mac nudged his friend.

"Wa?"

"Charlie, get up. You gotta go pee or you'll piss yourself tonight."

"I be fine."

"No, Charlie, get up."

Dennis leaned over Mac and poured some water onto Charlie's face. 

Charlie bolted up, "What's happen?"

"Charlie you gotta go pee." Mac grabbed the trap door and pulled it open. 

"No."

"Charlie, you you don't move I'm going to push you out of this tree," Dennis snapped. 

"Fine, I go!" Charlie dragged himself over to the hatch and stumbled his way down the tree. 

When he was gone Mac leaned back in his sleeping bag beside Dennis. "Dude, I'm so tired."

"Me too."

"I'm kinda getting bored of summer."

"Ready to go back to school?"

"Nah, school is gonna suck too. It'd be at least a little better if you would actually talk to me an Charlie at school instead of creeping around with those other assholes."

"I have an image to uphold, Mac."

"Whatever, dude. I'm just saying, it would probably be better for everyone."

"Shut up." Dennis's said covering his eyes with his hand. 

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Just a headache from spinning too much."

"Wow, you sound like an old man."

"Shut up."

Mac was quiet for a minute. "Hey, roll over a second."

"What? Roll over where?"

"Just face the wall."

"Why?" Dennis removed his hand to give Mac a suspicious look. 

Mac rolled his eyes, "Just do it."

"Fine," Dennis turned his back to Mac, who scooter forward and stuck his hands up the back of Dennis' shirt. 

"What the hell–?"

"Shut up. Me and Charlie used to do this all the time when were little at sleepovers. We used to take turns drawing on each others backs and guessing until someone fell asleep. Charlie sucked at it." Mac moved his fingers over Dennis's back in the vague shape of an eagle. 

"Weird."

"It really wasn't that weird."

"Then why'd you stop doing it?"

"I dunno, it was just a thing we stopped doing, like making bathroom potions."

"What the hell are bathroom potions?"

"We would go into Charlie's mom's bathroom and mix together random stuff we found in the closet until we made a potion."

"Also weird. What did you do with the potions?"

"It depended on the potion. We made a love potion once and Charlie dumped it on this girl's head and she punched him in the gut." Mac had moved on to drawing an elephant. 

"You guys are stupid."

"You hang out with up so you're stupid by extension."

Dennis let out a soft sigh. "Maybe a little."

"Maybe a lot." Mac snorted as he shaded dragged his nails softly over Dennis' back. 

Dennis hummed softly in return. "I can appreciate why Charlie sucked at this game. I have no idea what shapes you're making."

"Ah, don't worry about it. I'm a pretty terrible artist."

"Yes, you are. Did you just draw the bat signal?"

"Maybe."

"Well, at least I got one."

After a few minutes of silent drawing Mac's eyelids felt pretty heavy and Dennis' breathing had already started to smooth out. In the back of his mind, the thought occurred that Charlie hadn't returned, but the thought was buried favor of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just like writing dialogue :-P I feel that I've let these guys have too many of my childhood anecdotes though. Whatever, I wasn't that weird of a kid... Well, I probably was actually. 
> 
> Anyway, hopefully this isn't too terrible. 
> 
> Thanks.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie may or may not have been probed.

Mac was only distantly aware that he was awake. He was still half asleep, but birds kept calling and waking him up a little by little. The worst part of sleeping outside was always waking up in the morning feeling cold and slightly damp. 

Groggily, Mac became aware of his surroundings. At some point in the night Dennis had apparently rolled onto his back, trapping Mac's left arm, which tingled when Mac tried to move it. Mac himself was turned toward Dennis, blearily staring at the other boy's shoulder. 

Rolling into his back, Mac searched the room for Charlie, but found that Charlie's bedding looked like it hadn't been slept in. Recognizing that's something was wrong, Mac hastily pulled his arm out from under Dennis and moved toward the trap door, which had apparently been left open all night. There wasn't a body at the bottom of the tree, so at least Charlie hadn't fallen trying to get back up and cracked his skull or anything. 

Behind him, Mac heard Dennis sit up. "Mac, what are you doing?" He asked, his voice rough as he squinted at his friend. 

"I don't think Charlie came back up last night," Mac said, tapping his arm his left arm against the floor as he tried to regain feeling in it. 

"Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure."

Dennis crawled over to the trap door as well. "Are we going to go find him?"

"Yeah, hang on. My arm is all numb."

"What happened to your arm?"

"You rolled on top of it."

"Well, that's your fault for being all weird last night."

"I wasn't being weird, I was just– Shut up, it's your fault!"

"Whatever, I'm going down." Dennis climbed down a few branches before dropping to the ground. He was followed by an annoyed Mac. "So, which why do you think he went?"

Mac shrugged, "We should split up. You go toward the river and I'll to toward the clearing."

"Alright, let's do this."

The two went their separate ways. Mac made the short walk to the clearing. Upon entering the open space he startled a couple of chipmunks that subsequently made a racket scrambling away from him, scaring the shit out of him. 

He wandered along the tree line, looking for any sign of Charlie until he stumbled over an abandoned beer bottle. Annoyed, he kicked the thing as hard as he could off into the woods to his right. 

"Ow!" 

"Charlie?" Mac took a closer look into the woods. Charlie was laying face down in a briar patch all but hidden away in the plant life. 

"Mac?" Charlie tried to sit up but stopped short when he put his hand into the thorns. "Ow, shit, where am I?" 

"You went to pee last night and I don't think you came back."

"And you guys just let me go!? What if I was attacked by a bear or something!" Charlie tried again to get up. "Ow, Mac, I need help."

"Sure dude," Mac stepped on the plants and grabbed Charlie under the arms, dragging him forward as the thorns clung to his clothes. As Charlie untangled himself Mac ran off to grab Dennis. Together they helped to release Charlie. 

"So, what happened last night?" Dennis asked eyeing Charlie's disheveled state. He seems to have all his clothes inside out and backwards. 

"Uh well, I sort of remember going out to pee and I was walking, but I forgot the flashlight so it was all dark and then I saw this light in the sky."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, there was this big blueish light in the shy and I was like shit what's happening and I like froze. I couldn't move and I got floated up off the ground."

"Wait wait wait," Dennis held up a hand, "Are you actually saying that you got abducted by aliens?"

Charlie's brow furrowed, "There were a bunch of little green dudes there." 

"Where?"

"What do you mean where?"

"Where was there there? Where did the light take you?"

"This like weird white room. I was strapped down and everything. It was weird."

"Shit, Charlie, did they probe you?" Mac placed a hand on Charlie's shoulder. 

"What?"

"Did the aliens probe you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did the aliens stuck stuff up your butt?"

This question was apparently too much for Dennis. "Why would aliens want to probe– You know what, no! This isn't a conversation we are having because this did not happen! Charlie you were dreaming, or hallucinating, or something."

"But wait, Dennis, did they probe my butt though?" Charlie frowned. 

"Charlie it did not happen, your butt is fine."

"But how do you know?" Mac asked. 

"Because aliens did not come from deep space to stick stuff up Charlie's ass, Mac! Why would they do that? What purpose could it possibly serve?"

Mac ignored the question. "Do you feel like you got probed Charlie?"

Charlie shifted his weight from side to side as if testing himself. "Maybe? I mean, I feel sore all over, so it's hard to tell. Is it gay if the aliens probed me?"

"Charlie, God dammit–!"

Mac held up a hand, "Dennis, let me handle this. It's not gay if a female alien did it, Charlie."

"I couldn't tell what they were. What if they're some sort of third gender?"

"Then it's not gay, but it's still a sin because you can't make a baby."

Dennis made a face. "I'm pretty sure that's not how anything works."

"Shut up, I'm the churchy one here."

"Whatever. Look, Charlie, unless you have any evidence of these aliens I'm gonna go because you guys are giving me a headache."

"Wait, Dennis, you can't go! Charlie got sex crimed by aliens!"

"Shit, dude." Charlie said. 

"Maybe you should check to see if they left any marks or implants or something," Mac suggested. 

"Great idea." Charlie started to pull all of this clothes off until he was in only his underwear. 

"This is ridiculous," Dennis muttered and Charlie and Mac scanned for alien implants, "There are no implants inside of Charlie."

"Yeah, dude, sorry but I don't see anything."

"Probably because they put the implants in my head," Charlie said leaning over, "Check my head."

Mac spent a minute analyzing Charlie's scalp. "I mean, you've got a little scar on the back of your head, but I'm pretty sure you've always had that."

"It's the perfect cover up!" Charlie exclaimed, "Do you think the aliens will broadcast stuff into my head?"

"Why would they do that?" Dennis asked. 

"To try to make my brain explode, probably."

"Well, we can only hope."

"Dennis, if you're just going to be an asshole then go home," Mac said. 

"Fine," Dennis turned back toward the lair. "I will. I hope the aliens turn you heads inside out." And with that he marched off to collect his things. 

XxxX

When Dennis walked through the door to his home, his sister was sitting at the table eating lunch in all her aluminum glory. 

"Where have you been?" Dee asked him, not really caring. 

"Nowhere," Dennis grumbled, opening the pantry to make himself a sandwich. 

"Wanna know where I've been?"

"No."

"I was at the doctor's office."

"I don't care." Dee was always going to the doctors. She was always going with whoever their mother paid to do it because she couldn't be asked to go herself. 

"We stopped to look at a crop circle."

Dennis halted halfway through spreading jelly on his bread. "What?"

"Apparently last night some dickhead decided to make some crop circles in the Mcpoyle family's corn field." Dee shrugged. "They were making people pay to sit in the bucket of one of their tractors to get a look at it."

"Did you go up?"

"No, I wouldn't trust anyone in that family to operate heavy machinery, but I saw a drawing. It was pretty cool."

"Charlie said he got abducted by aliens last night," Dennis confessed after a moment of silence. 

Dee gave him a look. "Charlie huffs glue."

"I know, but... No, you're right." Dennis shook his head. 

"Of course I am, but if you go out alien hunting, I definitely want a piece of that action."

"Sure, whatever." Dennis took a thoughtful bite of his completed sandwich. The crop circles were probably just a coincidence. It might be funny to watch Mac and Charlie freak out over it though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I mention that I started writing this at 1:30 am when it seemed like a great idea? Whatever, I'm gonna keep going anyway. Get Dee involved a little more. Hope it's not terrible. 
> 
> Thanks.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mishap by the lake.

Charlie and Mac stayed on their alien kick for longer than Dennis expected, which was to say about two days. They had spent that time theorizing about what sort of aliens had kidnapped Charlie and for what reasons while they snuck around the Mcpoyle farm to get a better view of the crop circle. Nothing substantial came from any of this, other than Mac crashing his bike as he and Charlie were chased off the farmland. 

Dennis just waited for them to lose interest. It would feel too much like crawling back to them if he hopped back into things after storming off like he had. So instead, he waited a few days until he saw Mac laying out in front of his house again, staring at the sky, bored out of his mind. Then he road his bike by like he wasn't trying to get his attention. 

When he finally managed to catch Mac's eye, he was actually on his way to a nearby lake. Dee had gone on ahead of him, meaning that she took the shortcut that didn't go by the McDonald's house. 

At the sound of crunching gravel Mac looked up. "Hey, Dennis!" He shouted. 

Dennis brought the bike to a halt and looked over. "Yeah?"

"Where are you off to?"

He was only wearing swim trunks and had a towel over his shoulders, so it wasn't like it was hard to guess. "To the lake, Dee's already there and it's like a million degrees out."

"Can I come?"

"Sure. You can invite Charlie too."

"Awesome, I'll call him when I grab my suit," Mac hopped up. 

"Cool. I'll see you there," Dennis said, getting ready to go.

"Hang on, you're not going to wait for me?" Mac sounded insulted. 

"Dude, it's like a five minute bike ride. I'll see you again in ten minutes."

"Fine. Go on then."

"I will." Dennis pushed off, not looking back at Mac's pissy expression. 

When he arrived at the lake, Dee was walking along the little shoreline with her feet in the water. "Hey, loser. Invite your dumbass friends to come?"

"Charlie and Mac are probably coming, if that's what you mean."

"They're over the whole aliens thing."

"Probably."

"Good, because you were driving me nuts."

Charlie and Mac arrived together, which Dennis assumed was a jab at him by Mac for not waiting. 

"Hey, Dee," Charlie said as he set his bike to the side. Mac had already ditched his bike and jumped off the dock into the cool water. 

"Hey, Charlie," Dee said, "Heard you got abducted by aliens."

"Yeah, but I think they've abandoned me."

"Bummer, they could have kidnapped you and made you their child king or something."

"Or some kind of zoo animal," Charlie shrugged. 

"Which would you prefer?"

"Being king sounds stressful, I think I'd rather be in a zoo."

"Well, if you're ever made alien King you have to call me up, if you're a zoo exhibit then don't bother."

"Hey, Charlie! Stop talking to the bird and get in here!" Mac shouted from the water. 

"I think I'm just gonna stay over here," Charlie shouted back, "I've kinda got a headache."

"Oh come on, Charlie!"

"Fine! I'm coming." Charlie walked over to the deck. Dennis was standing on the end of the dock, getting ready to jump, so Charlie took a running start, shoved Dennis into the water and jumped off the edge of the dock. The water was cold but refreshing. 

They spent half an hour just swimming around in the water while Dee stood on the shore skipping stones. Well, she may have actually just been throwing rocks at them. All the rocks were aimed at them, no matter where they were in the water. Three stones actually ended up actually hitting Dennis, who seemed to be the primary target. 

Once they got bored of trying to drown each other and Dee's fourth rock hit Dennis hard in the back of the head, the boys returned to shore where they began a frog hunt. 

"What are you planning to do with the frogs you catch?" asked Dee suspiciously. 

Charlie shrugged, "Personally, I was hoping for some form of frog race."

"Charlie, buddy, I was thinking the exact same thing," Mac said. 

"You guys can't even catch one frog, you're too god damn loud," Dee scoffed. 

"Oh, is that right, Deandra?" Dennis said, "Would you like to put money on that claim?"

Dee eyed him for a calculated moment. "Sure, five dollars says you can't do it." 

Dennis clapped his hands, "Well, boys, it's time to take some cash money from sweet Dee."

They made their way along the water side carefully, or at least as carefully as they could manage. 

There were actually a lot of frogs in this area. At night the spring peepers were deafening and the bullfrogs called like obnoxious banjos. Unfortunately, the frequent splashes indicated that the frogs were getting the better of them. 

Charlie was the most proactive about lunging for the frogs, but fail to land a single grab. They made it halfway along the curve of the lake when they found something much more interesting than a frog. 

"Hey, it's a turtle!" Mac all but shouted, pointing to a little box turtle off to the side. 

"Oh, what have we here?" Charlie crouched down in front of the turtle, which hissed at him and retracted into its shell. 

"Dude, this has got to be worth more than a stupid frog," Mac said. It was becoming obvious that they were never going to catch a frog and if they could start an argument, then maybe they wouldn't have to face the idea of having failed. 

"Of course it is," Dennis agreed, "Charlie, grab the turtle."

Charlie scooped up the turtle and followed the other boys back to Dee, who was laying in the sun. 

"What the hell is that?" Dee asked when they set the turtle at her feet. 

"We caught a turtle," Charlie grinned. 

"It's not a frog."

"I think this turtle is far more rare and interesting than a frog, so it should count–"

"Oh, don't try to weasel out of this, Dennis!"

"I'm not weaseling! I'm making a very valid argument here."

"No, you just don't want to pay up."

As the two siblings bickered back and forth over the value of a turtle, Charlie had picked said turtle back up and was staring deeply into its eyes. His head had started feeling a little funny when they started walking back and now Dee and Dennis sounded very far away. Blinking slowly, Charlie felt some sort of pressure building behind his nose as he started to feel really sick. 

Charlie suddenly opened his eyes, which he hadn't even realized closed. He was staring up at the sky. Someone was touching his shoulder. He turned his head to see Mac, Dee, and Dennis staring at him. 

"What..." he tried to ask, but his tongue was too heavy. The pressure in his face hadn't let up and he could now hear a buzzing in his ears. 

He sat up despite this. As he did so, he felt a trickle down his face. Blood came away when he touched his nose. The voices of the rest of the gang were still a million miles away and it was hard to breathe. The blood on his hand was very red. 

Charlie blinked and the pressure was gone. 

"–you alright?"

"What?" Charlie asked, turning to Mac. 

"You went all weird and your nose started gushing blood, are you alright?"

"Yeah," Charlie nodded absently. 

"What the hell just happened?" Dee asked. 

"It was the aliens," Charlie looked up at the sky, expecting to see something, but there was nothing there. 

"You're full of shit, Charlie," Dennis said, "it was not aliens, you just had like an aneurysm or something."

"Pretty sure that's not how that works," Dee frowned. 

"Shut up, you bitch." 

"God dammit, I hate you guys, I'm going home. Good luck with your stupid aliens, Charlie."

"Thanks, Dee," Charlie replied, eyes still locked on the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet the spring peepers have started at home... I wish I could hear them out here. 
> 
> School stuff has been a lot but I promise I'll finish this weird thing :-)
> 
> Thanks.

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who once passed out and smashed her teeth on the floor. Two root canals, baby. It wasn't bad though, didn't even take pain meds after.
> 
> Anyway, this is probably awful and weird but I'm gonna do it anyway. I sort of know where it's going but I dunno how often I'll update. I'll probably write it all before I next update and rewrite the beginning but who knows :-P
> 
> Also, I'm dyslexic and overwhelmed with school so there will probably be a billion tiny mistakes that I won't go back to fix.
> 
> I'm opens-up-4-nobody on tumblr if you wanna come harass me :-)
> 
> Thanks. 


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